I hate work, even more than I did before.. and we are still losing people left and right

 

I still live in this pathetic apartment, still got my same old beat up truck.

 

and I still feel alone in the world....

 

 

Gotta tell ya, Life is Very shitty for me right now... I know I could be worse off, but I can see it coming, day by day, everything gets worse. First my job, now my car is falling to pieces, feel like burning my apartment complex down, and I just want to SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS EVERYTHING THAT I HATE ABOUT ANYONE AND EVERYTHING WHEN I SEE THEM!

 

If you have ever seen the movie "Me, Myself, and Irene"... i feel something similar may happen to me very soon... But with less comedy.. cause my life is just not funny..

 

I try and try and try to do what I can to help others, I try to be their friends, I try to smile, I try to keep them happy, I just can't please anyone, and it isn't making me happy..

 

If just one person would say, "I'm glad you are here", it would be the world to me... but all I get are backstabs.

 

So whoever you are, if You deserve it, and you would know if you do...

 

FUCK YOU!

Change.. Its something that you'd beg for, trade for, sometimes feel like dieing for. The job I currently have, along with my current sleep-habit, doesn't give me much room for spontaneous acts of change. I wake up, go to work, then come home. By the time I get off work most of my friends are setteling down for the night, and I'm usually exhausted. It doesn't leave much room for much to happen at all.

 

I'm again at the point to where I really want to see some change, but I give up trying to bring it out. I'm tired of trying to put my point across when they either interrupt me while in the process or they ignore me completely. For example, at lunch today I was trying to tell a very small story, I got ten words into it, then a co-worker just jumped in and starting talking as if I didn't exist. It really "grinded my gears." (quote from family guy) I immediately got up and left the room. Here's another quote for ya: "Sheesh, No Respect I tell ya, No respect!" (rodney dangerfield) In the past I woulda just sat there, maybe try to repeat myself when I can, if i can. I guess being sick these past 4 days put me in a sour mood.

 

The thought of a new job is very temtping. Its like trying out a new candy, it can sound very delicous but the taste may vary. What I'm trying to say is.. I feel like I have hit a dead end on a one-way road. I try to learn, think for myself, and be a team player. Except that people treat you so harsh that you give up trying to learn before getting anywhere, they tell you what to do without asking for your input or any of your knowledge that could help the task, and they leave you stranded like a fish in the desert. All my effort these days feel like they have been nullified, not justified.

 

Yes yes, I ramble, but thats what I get for not really having a social life. Not sure, but I might have a sort of A.D.D., I have a hard time keeping my thoughts focused all the time.

 

I'd beg for respect. I'd trade my life for a better environment. And though I'm nowhere close to thinking about my own death, just the thought that in death; any pressure, stress, obligations, and social problems in my life now; will be nonexistant.

 

It seems that I'm in a "Habit" of Sleep, Work, and spending time by myself yet again. I'm ready for a change, but I don't see a worthwhile one anywhere.

Lately I've been tempted to drink. At times I think it'll make me feel better, help me have fun, or help me be more social. Yeah, but guess what... I've yet to drink any alcoholic beverages, beer, liquor, or anything illegal if under 21. I really can't finger the reason why I stop every time. There are a few reasons that I can understand though. Such as: Knowing that I may get sick, wake up late for work, get a dui, or just humiliate myself.

 

When I go to my friend's apartment they offer me drinks, but I say nah, not right now, or maybe later. I mean that I know the consiquences, but sometimes the temptation of benefits is greater than the fear. Yet I've overcome it every time... (I feel like i'm rambling on)

 

My whole point is.. That my Will to not drink is very strong, yet I can not fully understand why. This also applies to other area's of my life. Such as work and my social life.. At work I'll do what they ask of me, but I just don't understand why they don't listen to the problems I have with their task or plan ahead. The department manager pulls so much stuff to be worked that I'd need my whole 8 hour shift to work it.. BUT.. She doesn't plan that yeah.. I'm gonna have to fill water in the evening which is every day... That on certain days I have to fill milk and eggs often along with water.. and that she sometimes has me build features ontop of all that.. She expects it all to get done..

 

My job title is "ICS Grocery", I attend the ICS meeting.. and up until recently was under the impression that the ICS team leader was the person who "decided what area needed my help the most".. Often I had come in.. went to our meeting.. and was told I'd be helping with our General Merchandise truck for the rest of my shift after lunch. When I tell the Grocery Department manager about it, she freaks out.. Even if he told her way before she pulled the items to work, she'd pull too much to work before lunch. And she'd expect me to stack it all together on a pallet.. One say I told her that I doubt I'd have time to get to the items to put them on a pallet.. she went straight to an assistant manager and complained.. I got told I wasn't being as productive as I should be... I work my $%^ off there, and they know it... and they say that bs.. Somehow I'm suppose to do the work of 6 people every day in my 8 hour shift.. when one task takes most of my time..

 

2 people are out on leave, some had a shift change so 2 of our evening workers moved to morning, and the department manager just pulls the picklist and runs off to do random things.. It just leaves me feeling like I'm the only one working over there. I come in and they brag about how much they got done... and how much I didn't the night before.. The ratio of morning grocery to evening grocery (not overnight) is 5-1... and starting monday we lose another grocery person to Toys.. I just don't get how they expect less people to get more done.

 

If you read this far, or any of it at all.. ty.. and sorry If I lost you.. or if you got tired of my complaining... If you felt like me when I clocked out, You'd feel like ur ready to snap and just start punching or destroying something as soon as possible.

 

Yet after all this, when I get home.. Its just that ol' saying: "Oh Well" I relax and my stress just fades as if it were never there. except that each day I grow more exhausted.